The Power of Self Assurance

September 30th, 2010

My 25th year High school reunion was this Fall…what a hoot to see some of those people again. Sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same. What struck me now that I am in my 40s is the fact that I cared so much less what other people thought of me. It seemed as though I have moved beyond “trying to be” to “just being”. The power of self assurance felt life altering.

It seemed as though I was finally old enough and wise enough to let go my need to be loved. It seemed like the need to please had at long last atrophied and set me free. I cannot pinpoint exactly when this happened it was likely a slow, and at times painful process over a number of years and many personal development books.

I remember in my youth being so concerned about what others thought that I had to gather a consensus prior to embarking on any major life decision. It seems so crazy now when I think back.

How can we get to a point where we can trust our own instincts and honor our own truth?

Six Steps to Self Assurance

1. Be Prepared. For any presentation, performance, meeting or talk. If you are prepared and know that you really know what you are talking about you can approach with a greater level of confidence.
2. Don’t be afraid to take risks. For the most part, I would say women are more cautious than men. To enable you to plunge into the uncomfortable realm of risk consider the potential payoff in success as well as personal development. Start with the upside. Most of us approach risk assessment by looking at what could go wrong. Try starting with the positive and write it down to make it tangible. On the other side of your greatest fears lies your greatest growth.
3. Practice asking for what you want. For instance the next time you are in a store ask for a discount or the next time you are in a restaurant ask for a particular table. Practice asking everywhere. Though it is uncomfortable at first you will soon get the hang of it.
4. Nurture and sustain your support network. Even though the goal is to be self assured, wharing your dreams and your life with people that are truly rooting for you is energizing. Also the more positive feedback you get the more confidence you gain.
5. Go easy on yourself. So often we treat others better than we treat ourselves. Stop scolding yourself and practice positive, affirming self talk. As crazy as it sounds try the mirror exercise and look into the mirror and say “I love you. How can I make you happy?” and really mean it.
6. Approach with confidence any new situation. Even if your stomach is churning and your knees are knocking. If you keep your head held high and a confident air about you, pretty soon you will actually feel it.

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” Anna Quindlen